tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103753485363247086.post6855988446070721429..comments2023-06-16T01:53:05.421-07:00Comments on Bittersweet Press: ClichéKim Borkerthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13885227256294699919noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103753485363247086.post-51636905890913630672010-01-06T09:28:09.407-08:002010-01-06T09:28:09.407-08:00John,
You are correct that the section after &quo...John, <br />You are correct that the section after "actress' bit part" is unnecessary and it was from a separate poem and therefore feels very different from the early part of the poem. <br />I disagree that this section explains that the speaker sees herself in all three. I think you saw that because you know me, and the casual reader does not.<br />I always tend toward explaining things the reader should get from the images...thank you for your thoughtful critique. I will definitely revise...Kim Borkerthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13885227256294699919noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103753485363247086.post-64223647333178270092010-01-06T07:23:03.588-08:002010-01-06T07:23:03.588-08:00Hi Kim:
I've been thinking about this poem ...Hi Kim:<br /> I've been thinking about this poem since last month, and reading it again today, my suggestion about revision is, if it were my poem, I would be inclined to cut the line "It's kind of pathetic really," a statement that is not necessary because the pathos is contained in the imagery, and start the next sentence with "A better woman. . . ." I'd also end the poem with "sadly see myself in the actress' bit part." This revision eliminates what I see as the unnecessary explanation that the speaker sees herself in the women she observes and criticizes. I like this poem very much.<br /><br />John G. MorrisAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103753485363247086.post-80398982734774259132009-12-12T20:33:10.490-08:002009-12-12T20:33:10.490-08:00Nice labelNice labelBrittanyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16967247915262038290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103753485363247086.post-39259962102858113112009-12-08T07:27:19.327-08:002009-12-08T07:27:19.327-08:00Thanks, Fran :) "Bittersweet" is my fav...Thanks, Fran :) "Bittersweet" is my favorite word in the English language ("schadenfreude" is my favorite one in German, but that's an entirely different concept). Because life is neither good nor bad, but totally oxymoronic.Kim Borkerthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13885227256294699919noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103753485363247086.post-34942005394561318172009-12-07T09:34:20.427-08:002009-12-07T09:34:20.427-08:00It's lovely. I enjoy your voice. It's of...It's lovely. I enjoy your voice. It's often hard and real, but that's life. Bittersweet.Franhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04887003422213526850noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2103753485363247086.post-53432409618091348762009-12-07T07:15:03.080-08:002009-12-07T07:15:03.080-08:00This is really two different poems smashed into on...This is really two different poems smashed into one, and I'm sure it feels awkward to the reader as a result. Maybe someday I'll get around to editing it properly, or maybe it will divide again and become the two cells it was meant to be.Kim Borkerthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13885227256294699919noreply@blogger.com